The Power of Stopping

When was the last time you felt angry?

On May 1 1969, the late Fred Rogers, better known by his show name Mister Rogers, testified in front of a Special US Senate Committee petitioning urgently needed funding for PBS on behalf of children’s educational television. Pitted against the stoic and foreboding Sen. John Pastore, known for ruthlessly cutting costs, Rogers ignored the prepared statement he brought and instead made a personal appeal, advocating for the values of his show, Mister. Rogers’ Neighborhood. Rogers spoke about the importance of helping children learn about feelings, self confidence, kindness, and respect. He concluded his passionate petition by reading the words to a song he had written for his show, and in the process, imparting in simple human terms wisdom we all have the chance to learn from. In part, the lyrics read:

“What do you do with the mad that you feel / When you feel so mad you can bite? / When everything you do seems very wrong / And nothing you do seems very right?”

Rogers then answers the question:

“It’s great to be able to Stop / When you’ve planned a thing that’s wrong / And be able to do something else instead / And think this song: / I can Stop when I want to / Can Stop when I wish. / Can Stop, Stop, Stop anytime. / And oh, what a wonderful feeling it is / To know that this feeling is really mine. / To know that there’s something deep inside / To help me become what I can / For a girl can be someday a Woman / And a boy can be someday a man.”

Rogers’ words were enough to move the impassive senator, winning PBS $20M of funding for continued educational programming, but I think their impact is far more substantial. Anger and frustration are some of the most human emotions we feel, and they pervade life for everyone. I think most people accept this as a part of life, and we are often sympathetic to our friends, family, colleagues and coworkers when someone experiences misfortune. After all, it’s not what happens to us that qualifies our character; it’s how we respond.

Some of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in life (and consequently, some of my hugest regrets) stemmed not from cold miscalculation, but from acting or re-acting while caught up in an emotional moment. Were my actions ultimately what I truly meant to say or do? No. But, it doesn’t matter, and that’s what Mr. Rogers so artfully explains. He doesn’t have all the answers (none of us do), and often the correct path forward to resolving conflict isn’t obvious.

But Rogers gives us a tool: we can “Stop when we want to….Stop anytime.”

It’s a brilliant model, and one that I’ve found works just as well with people as organizations. The next time you’re faced with a problem or a dilemma that’s making your head spin, give it a try. Stop. Think. Consider.

It’s amazing what options present themselves when we allow ourselves to see them.

As the late counselor, author and motivational speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer summed the matter: “Conflict cannot exist without your participation.”